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Is it just me, or does it seem like I'm trying to be a teacher sometimes? I almost want to have a separate section of this web site dedicated to "articles" (or something) like that one that I've just written about listening. I'm never really sure what's appropriate here, but I guess that's up to me to figure out. Comments are welcome.

I've always thought of myself as a good listener. It's actually something that I've worked hard. I know how much some people need another person who is attentive and has a genuine interest in what they're saying. I've been thinking a lot about this lately and I thought I'd share a couple of lessons I've learned as part of my journey to become a better listener:

Don't tell a person you know exactly what they're going through--you don't.

While you might have experienced something similar, you have no idea what it's like for them to go through the specific situation they're dealing with. Saying that you do can often cause frustration and resentment. Consequently, that person may not choose to confide in you in the future.

Don't try to relate what they're going through to something in your own life.

When a person really needs someone to talk to, they don't want to listen to you talk about the things that you've been through in your life. This goes along with my first point--you might have experienced something similar, but it's going to seem totally different to the person wanting attention.

Be attentive.

Imagine a friend is trying to tell you about something really traumatic that's just happened and you're chatting with friends on IM, yet you say you're listening. How would that make you feel? Try to give a person you're talking with as much of your attention as possible. Often, they'll find it disarming the amount of attention they're getting, but it will be worthwhile in the end. Giving the person you're listening to your full attention will build a rapport with them and make it more likely they'll confide in your again.

If confided in, don't break that trust unless necessary for the safety of the individual and / or yourself or to receive advice from a trusted friend.

The easiest way to guarantee someone won't confide in you again is to break their trust. However, there are situations where it is imperative that you break that trust. If the individual is in danger of hurting themselves or someone else, don't hesitate to notify authorities or, at the very least, seek advice from a trusted friend. Trust should be something you are willing to break to save someone's life. Additionally, if you are in over your head or just need some advice on how to deal with the situation, seek out a trusted friend. Consider speaking about this with the individual first to gauge their reactions. It often shows your commitment to help when you're willing to go out of your way to find an answer.

Just listen.

When you're listening to someone, let them have control of the conversation. Every once in a while, reiterate what they've said to make sure you fully understand it. See if you can say back to them what they've said, paraphrasing they're statements. This will aid in your understanding of the situation and can often calm the nerves of the individual.

Listening is a wonderful gift and I'm so glad that Christ gave me this gift.