Shortly before I became a Christian, I went on a huge music buying binge. I don't believe these two events are related. For about a year or so, it wouldn't be awkward for me to buy ten CDs a month. At the age of nineteen with a minimum wage income, that's quite excessive. I'd focused primarily on three groups: Garbage, Korn, and Tori Amos. I've since gotten rid of all of the Korn, stuck all my Garbage in a box somewhere under something, and kept Tori around.
My Tori collection is really good, actually. I have a lot of rare stuff. I just have a lot of stuff. I have videos, posters, pictures, albums, singles, imports, records, etc. I haven't touched most of the stuff in a while, but I can't figure out what I want to do with it either. I still listen to a lot of her stuff, at least as mp3s. There's just stuff that seems to be blocking my enjoyment of her stuff.
I'm actually not that surprised that I can't listen to most of her stuff. A lot of her music talks about religion. She strikes me as a person that believes in God, but doesn't have a clue what He's about. Her father is a minister, so she's the typical PK: she's had so much religion in her face her entire life that she hasn't been able to decide for herself what to believe; she's always been told what to believe. Sometimes I just want to sit her down and just have a heart-to-heart talk to try to clear up some of her misconceptions.
Her talent is a wonderful gift; she's a true artist. She's not out to make money or be famous. She just wants to write music and share her gift with the world. That's really cool--and really rare. I have a lot of respect for her and what she's trying to do. I just think she's misguided.
I'm not sure if my problem with her music is really even my problem. One of my friends is very critical of her music because she seems to believe all the songs have an anti-Christian message. True, the songs that talk about religion are often misguided:
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets I've been raising up my hands Drive another nail in Just what God needs One more victim-- excerpt from Crucify
Her theology isn't the problem. It's like she knows what she's talking about, but she doesn't understand it. I see that and just try to move past it. Perhaps I'm the one that's misguided for trying to do so.
My sister also makes a big fuss about the music I listen to. She told me that I used to listen to such cool music and she wanted to know what happened. Actually, I was going to go and see Ani DiFranco with her tonight, but that didn't work out. Anyway, she accuses me of having a horrible taste in music, when I think it's actually quite the opposite. The stuff I listen to now comes from the artists' hearts. It doesn't glorify sin. Instead, it's uplifting and encouraging. Is it so horrible to listen to music that really makes me feel good?
I don't listen to Tori around either of them anymore. My sister usually gets treated to classical on NPR, while my friend gets a little Third Day or Justin McRoberts. I enjoy listening to all these things, so it doesn't bother me that much, but it's just so odd that they'd judge me by my music. The two of them also have a pretty significant influence on me, so I know that the things they've said have impressioned me and my music values, if you will. I think that has more to do with my issues with listening to Tori than anything else.
I'd just like to add that my step-mom defines my taste in music as weird.
That, I can deal with.
