I just went for a short run. I only did a little over half a mile, but it still felt good. I'm not sure how to really explain why I needed to do that, but it was definitely healthy for me.
I'm not really sure how to explain much of what's been going on lately. I can't do anything I want to. I have no motivation. Things are completely out of my control, yet it seems like that's how it's supposed to be (God's supposed to be in control, isn't He?).
I just don't really understand this world and most of the people that live here. Everyone seems so focused on things that have so little relevance to anything. It's all just really silly.
I'm holding on to a past that is dead and gone. I need to move on and just get over it. It's like I'm waiting for God to show me what's supposed to happen, but He's not going to. I want to know His plan, but I think part of His plan is for me to not know His plan. And I'm cool with that, it's just frustrating.
I want to get past this so badly, it hurts. I don't want to forget appointments. I don't want to lack motivation. I don't want to dwell on a relationship where I'm the only one that seems to want the relationship. It's all so meaningless and stupid. This isn't what God desires for me; it can't be. It can't be.
Don't mind me. I get like this every once in a while. I'll get over it.
