I was having a conversation with Helen and Courtney tonight about attraction and lust. A question was posed to me: name someone you find attractive. I had a really hard time doing this, actually. We were watching Judging Amy and I happen to think the main character is pretty, so I mentioned her. Beyond her, I was at a loss to find another example.
See, the problem is I've worked really hard not to view women only by their looks, but primarily by their personality. Therefore, I have a very hard time saying that someone is attractive if I don't actually know them. If I don't know their personality, morals, beliefs, etc., then I can't say I'm attracted to them, no matter how pretty they may be, because a huge part of the attractiveness equation is missing.
The conversation proceeded to take its course, and we decided to discuss the actual definition of attraction. I wondered what the point was of asking that question in the first place. What information were they seeking by asking who I'm attracted to? What is the point of admitting such an attraction?
The conversation turned into a talk about the being attracted to people and what exactly it means. Helen held that it was different for a man to say that he is attracted to a woman than it is for a woman to say she is attracted to a man. She believes that for men, the attraction is usually entirely (primarily, anyway) physical. For women, it's more of a dream of a life / relationship with that person. While I do agree to an extent, I think she's under-estimating a woman's capacity for lust.
If a woman has several pictures of a particular actor around her room, what is her purpose in doing so? It's my belief that it's a type of lust, perhaps more innocent (if lust can be innocent) than the lust displayed by men, but still lust. The woman is demeaning the actor by making him a mere wall display, a decoration if you will. That naturally leads to the conclusion that the picture posting demonstrates the lust the woman has for the physical attributes of the man. Likewise, if a woman comments that a particular actor is hot
, she is merely talking about his physical appearance, this reducing him to eye candy, the same as a man acting similarly (obviously).
This, of course, is different from a person having pictures of friends, family, or their boyfriend / girlfriend on the wall. That's more of a Hey, this is my friend, <insert name>, just so you can put a name with a face.
But, what, may I ask, is the point of posting the picture of a person you don't know, and in all likelihood will never know, on your wall? I have a hard time seeing it as anything but lust.
I admit that I do find some women pretty. This is shallow, though, for it's not as if they really did anything to achieve their looks. Sure, they could wear make-up, the right clothes, or whatever, but I usually find that less appealing than a woman that chooses not to hide her natural beauty with such manmade decorations. After all, they are just maintaining the temple
God provided them for the duration of their physical life. Theoretically speaking, if I were to say a woman was pretty, it should be appreciation for God's creation, rather than the woman herself. Of course, that's not how our society works, but I digress.
One thing that bothered me from the beginning about the question of who I find attractive is that it's pretty much pointless. If I am going to say that a woman is attractive, I would only do it because I intended to act (or had already acted) upon that statement, i.e. intended to date or I was dating the woman. The attraction would have to be both physical and intellectual, as well. If there is no intention on carrying through with the statement, then what's the point in making it?
Believe it or not, people really pay a lot of attention to what you say, especially if you appear different. The simple action of saying that someone is attractive can destroy your witness and make you no more special than the next person. I implore you to treat others with respect and love, even if you they are just a pretty face in a crowd or a famous actor. People will see this and respect and love you for it.
